hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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