Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
