Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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