Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
