Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
