At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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