This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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