Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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