Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
