he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
