i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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