Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
