take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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