My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize