Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
