After last night, I could never be a politician.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize