sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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