You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
