found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
