chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize