there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
