just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize