i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
