Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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