No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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