Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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