Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
