Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
