just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
