He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
