NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
