I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
