It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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