I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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