Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My vagina is officially offended.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
