i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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