my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize