Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
