Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize