Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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