fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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