ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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