What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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