Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
