He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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