Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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