those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
