I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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