Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
