Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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