i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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