Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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