i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
