did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
