The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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