my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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