she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
