He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
