So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
