her vagine was all disorganized.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
