C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't deserve a penis
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
