8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
