I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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