I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize