I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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