so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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