I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
