In the future we'll all be gay
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
