Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
