You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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