based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
